In Bed with Scott Summers & Emma Frost.

A clock in the corridor chimes midnight whilst in the bedroom Scott Summers snoozes and Emma Frost fidgets and turns restlessly....

Emma: What are you thinking about?

Scott: I'm thinking about going to sleep.

Emma: I'm restless - I can't go to sleep. Let's do something. I know, let's fool around.

Scott: No, Emma, I'm not in the mood, I'm too tired!

Emma: Reaaaaalllyyy?? Hmm, what's this? You seem to be showing some signs of life down here. Perhaps, if I helped you along. (Scott protests weakly). Oh, baby! There's life in this thing yet! I bet they named you Cyclops because of your one-eyed trouser snake. Come on baby, keep growing for me, yeah that's it. We can do that thing you always begging me to do. That something special!

Scott: Really? It's not my Birthday is it? Ahhhhh, that's nice.

Emma: This is a limited, once only, one-off special offer - never to be repeated. Oh, that's it, it's there, I'm getting a real 4-star General's salute here.

Scott: That's it, it's there. Quick Emma, get on all four's, I can't hold this long.

Emma: OK, but let me get the jelly first!

Scott: No time for that, get on all fours now.

Emma: Just be patient my love.

Scott: NOW!! DO IT!!! JUST F*CKING DO IT, YOU BITCH!! OR I'M GOING TO F*CKING LOOSE THIS!
(Massive leviation psyche-bolt throws him into the air and leaves him suspended there.)

Emma: W-E W-I-L-L G-E-T T-H-E J-E-L-L-Y F-I-R-S-T!! O-K??

Scott: ....eh....ok..sure.

Emma: Ah, there it is! Hang on a sec! Yep, there you go, that's it. Come on, now, I'm ready for you! (Scott is returned to the bed.) Slide into the groove, baby, you know you want to!

Scott: Ah, yes, here we go. Hmm, come on!!! Come ooon!!!

Emma: Why's it going soft? Go on, keep pushing!

Scott: I'm trying, it's no good. The moments gone! It's too soft to go in!!



Logan: I KNEW IT!! I JUST F*CKING KNEW IT!!

Scott & Emma: WHA...!!! LOGAN!!!!!

Logan Up the shitter and you still can't get it up. You're a f*cking miserable excuse for a man!!

Emma: That's rich coming from a flea-bitten sex vulture like you! You'd f*ck anything - better still if it had maggots!!

Logan Not like you to give it away Emma, what's the going-rate these days? A ten-spot?

Emma: Even if it was a quarter - I'd still be out of your league, shit-sniffer. Just run along there and lick your balls like all the other little nice dogs, you scrotum-sucker!!

Logan Sure, I'm a scrotum-sucker. It'd take a real bitch to know!

Scott: Shut your gutter-mouth Logan. And get out of here! NOW!!

Logan Ya can talk, ya filthy scum - digging in her dirt-box. Ye're nothing but a turd-burglar, a miserable sphincter-stretching, shit-stabbing, cornhole-creasing, drain-plumbing ring-inverterting lousy chutney-chaser!!!

Scott: Get the hell out of here - Right Now Mister!!

Logan Is that how you abused Jean? Trampled over her! Was she too polite to complain about your perversions. You like doing it doggy-style, eh?

Scott: I thought that was your style, Hound-dog! When you can get it!!

Logan Arrrrggggghhhhhh! (Logan jumps towards the bed and is hit by an energy beam from Scott. It flips him over and knocks him backwards, out through the window on to the lawn outside.)

Scott: Can you believe the nerve of that guy?

Emma: I don't know why you didn't have him put-down years ago.

Scott: It's useless, he's ruined the whole mood.

Emma: You weren't doing that great to begin with!

Scott: I can't sleep now, I'm going to the bath-house.

Emma: Again?

Meanwhile outside on the lawn a silver figure approaches the fallen Hound-dog.

Logan: Who the...! Oh, it's you! Get off me! (Throws away a couple of dung-beetles. He snarls when he realises he landed in the compost heap.)

Silver Surfer: Uhmm, excuse mr wolverine... you eh... you haven't seen a large white surfboard have you? I seem to have mislaid it.

Logan: No, I ain't tin-man. Now get lost! (Scratching his stomach) Lousy filthy Summers, I should've cut his dick off and shoved up his ass - then he really could've f*cked himself! (Continues to scratch) Tight-ass, motherf....

Silver Surfer: What are you talking about? Nevermind, it's the Silver Surfer anyway, not tin-man.

Logan: Yeah whatever.....And get some frigging clothes on, ya bum! There's kids around here.

Silver Surfer: OH, THE INEQUITIES OF HUMANS BEAR DOWN ON ME ONCE AGAIN. TRAPPED IN THE HEART OF A BLACK HOLE AS THEIR PREJUDICES CRUSH ANY...

Logan: AND SHUT THE F*CK-UP WILLYA?, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!! (Looking up) OR HAVE SEX DOGGY-STYLE, EH, SCOTT??

Silver Surfer: Oh my!

Logan: And we don't need you're pissing monologues!...........we got enough of our own! (Walks off scratching himself.)

Silver Surfer: what a rude dog!

(Wolverine is walking in the hall when he sees a distressed looking Rogue.)
Logan: What's up with you, skunk-head? You look more freaked out than usual!

Rogue: Aaaaw shucks! Ah don't know - it'sa weird. Ah kinda just brushed past Scott in the corridor and now Ah'm getting all these kinda strange urges.

Logan: If it's to screw Emma, fergettit! She's too pissed off to consider a life-style change. What kindov strange desires?

Rogue: Ah, ah ..ah...ah don't know. But, Ah get this feeling that...thata Ah wanna...

Logan: What? Come on, pick it up girl! I think some bugs crawled into me when I got knocked out. I can feel'em wriggling insida me! Must've healed up around 'em. Gotta go and dig 'em out! Come on, what strange desires???

Rogue: Ah wanna....wanna....

Logan: Come on, what?

Rogue: Ah, wanna have anal sex witha man!

Logan: (Stunned silence.) HEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY BABY! Ya cum to the right dude! If ya clit is big enough, I'm game!!! And even if it ain't, it's still worth trying!! Come with me, ya little tart. I've been waiting fer this furever!

Rogue: Aaw, shucks! Looks like ah'm gonna break oneya my daddy's golden rules - Never Sleep with the Livestock!!