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February 2005 Week 8 I
locked the bathroom door, ran the bath, as hot as I could stand it, and poured
in Oz's mixture. The bath was in a state - ugly looking little twigs,
leaf-flakes and oil-slicks played across the surface. All the hot water was
actually brewing the stuff and causing it to release weird odours. I
held my breath and got in - and the pungent smell at first knocked me for six
but then I started to relax. I closed my eyes and felt the hot waters lapping
around me. My head grew heavier and heavier and I lay back and breathed in the
vapours. I
could hear the pounding of my heart and soon my head grew too heavy to hold up
- I started to panic but I calmed myself down - and soon enough the blackness
melded into a clear blue & I was flying. I
flew dear gentle readers, I flew like an unfettered bird in an azure sky, I
flew like the first thought in a child's mind...and in that moment, I began to
see the great truth. My
thoughts, like mercury on glass, moved with a fluidity
unknown to me, spanning time and space in fractions, making links and
associations beyond rational thought. To the rhythm of my heartbeat I crossed
the cosmos, devoid of form or substance, pure thought, expanding without limit,
reaching the shores of the unimagined. Time
is the wheel that breaks us all. 
I
felt myself slipping the bonds and bounds of this earthly existence and soaring
high, high on gossamer wings, looking up and pushing up, up and ever up; but
alas the chains of reality restrained me and yanked me back to this wretched
world. "COLIN!
COLIN! OPEN THE DOOR! COLIN!" My
mother was outside hammering on the door & she wasn't in the mood to stop.
I reluctantly, and somewhat unsteadily, got out and pulled on my Winnie the Pooh bathrobe. "What?
Can't me hava bath in peace?" She
marched in and nearly fainted when she saw the mess in the bath. "What
the hell's going on Colin? What is all this? Did you get this from Oz? Did you?
OH, MY GOD!! DRUGS! It's drugs isn't it? Look at you! Your stoned out of your head!" I
wasn't in the mood for a lecture and she was getting on my nerves. I ran into
my room and started to get dressed - I had to get out. But she wouldn't let up,
she was really shouting outside the door but I was way past caring - and this
freaked her out more. I
quickly opened the door and started moving down the hall. "Stop! Stop! Where are you going? Talk to
me. COLIN!! I ORDER YOU TO STOP! NOW!" I
stopped, this was her last attempt to control me and she was giving it
everything she had - but her eyes betrayed her, they had a hint of fear. I moved close to her. "...you're
pathetic..." and with those whispered words I crushed her and left the
house. It
was early evening and the sky was dieing quietly, strange colours streaked
across the sky. I was entranced by it and I couldn't stop looking. I thought I
heard the faint thunder of horses hoofs, just on the edge of my hearing. I
had to see Kelly and tell her. On
the way there I ran into Darren. He took one look at me and knew something was
wrong. "You alright "Would
you be surprised if I told you I was the son of Thor."
He collected his thoughts and I saw the same look in his eyes that I'd seen
earlier in my mother's. " He
couldn't/wouldn't understand. I left him shouting my name. Kelly's
mum & dad were out when I got there. "Kelly,
you've got to help me. You've just got to!" "Oh,
Colin what is it? What's happened?" She moved forward and put a comforting
arm around me. "What's wrong?" "It's
just... there's this...I don't know...it's like something's happening and I
can't control it. These strange things are exploding in my head..." "What
Colin? What's happening? Is there something wrong with yer
mum?" "No, not me mum, me dad." "What
about your dad? Is he alright?" "Yes
he's OK but...it not that...it's who he is...or more like who my father
is..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. But I had to warn her - to be
aware, not to listen to the lies about me. "Listen
Kelly - ", I grabbed her by the arms and I could she was a little scared
but trying not to show it " - you mustn't believe
what people say about me. You hear? YOU MUSTN'T! YOU MUSTN'T! IT'S ALL LIES!
LIES!! I like you I really really like you..." "It's
alright - I like you too - ". "You
mustn't believe what they say, it's not true, I'm not mad, I'm not!" And
then I felt all my strength leave me and I just sort of melted and flowed into
her arms. She grabbed me before I hit the floor and gently lowered me. She
didn't let go but held onto me and, shame to say dear gentle readers, I started
to cry "Don't leave me Kelly, please don't leave me." "Shh, it's ok - shush now - I'm not going anywhere!" |