March 2005

Week 10

It was Kelly's funeral today.

Kelly's funeral.

I never thought I'd ever type those words but there you are; there's no escaping it.

Today was Kelly's funeral.

I went up to the casket but at first I couldn't bear to look inside - it was too painful. They left me standing there for a while and slowly I worked up the courage to look - oh, dear sweet gentle readers how can I describe the scene before your long-suffering narrator.

Had I the skill I would make you weep such tears, cry out in such anguish, beat your chests in such despair, howl in such torment; had I the skill.

Natasha the tache was there. At first I couldn't work out why she looked different, then I realised she had lost her tache, styled her hair and, was, what Darren would say, a stunner. She came up to me to show her sympathy but there was an awkward pause whilst she struggled for the words.

"Colin, I very sorry your girl-friend is dead."

Dead! The word hit me like a half-brick. I suppose I couldn't blame her - she probably didn't know all the funny little phrases to make it less painful - passed away, deceased, kicked the bucket; whatever.

I tried to talk but I couldn't. My tongue lay lie a rug on the floor of my mouth. Then I couldn't help myself and I started to cry on her shoulder.

And after that I don't remember much - it was all a scrapbook of frozen moments. Kelly's mum crying, my mum looking grey-faced, Kelly's dad shattered - shrunken down and hunched, Darren looking confused and lost, the trip to the grave, the droning words, the slippery mud, the shiny teak coffin, the too-shiny brass name-plate, the descent, down, down, down, down - poor Kelly - all alone in the dark and she never liked the dark - Got to get her out now! - 'Let her go son - let her rest!' - Mr Morris Morris I think - and all the time Kelly's mum whimpering, making wounded-bird noises. All for nothing - all to nothing.

The rest of the week was a mish-mash, I just couldn't relax, everything wound me up. I couldn't/didn't want to go out but I couldn't stay in bed all the time. Mum tried to be nice but I just didn't want to know. The nightmares were worse than ever now - horrible black crows cawing all time - and horrible horrible images of them pecking and tearing at Kelly. I'd wake up even more tired than before. A pounding headache that wouldn't stop. I knew I was being followed/watched by the Dark Prince - I started noting the numbers of cars outside out house or on the street when I went to the shops. I don't know what I was going to do with the numbers but it just seemed to make sense to note them.

This lasted for a week or so until Oz turned up -

"Aaaaghhhh!"

- in the middle of the night as usual. This time he wasn't alone -

"Aaaaghhhh!"

- he had someone with him. The Taxi-driver.

"Stoppy stoppy - come come we must go go go!"

"Uff Yaar - what a boo?[smell] Bring him!".

I tried to protest but they wouldn't have it - Oz just grabbed me and started wrapping me in my dressing-gown. But I wasn't having that.

"NO! Not the Winnie the Pooh one - no - I'm not going out in that!!"

"Oh alright alright buche[boy] - put something else on."

So I just stood like a dumb statue and let him dress me - in my school uniform.

"Oh yaar - what are you doing?"

"Tie tie - he needy needy his tie tie." replied Oz fixing my tie.

"Oooohhh - Kotha Kotha [Donkey Donkey]. Just come!"

And with that we were off. Oz dragged me out onto the street and threw me in the taxi. But this was all too much for me - I couldn't quite get my bearings.

"Is this a dream?"

"No beta[son] - this is what they call reality."

The Taxi roared off towards Shelton but for some reason none of the speed cameras went off. The Taxi-driver must have seen my puzzled look.

"Hah - the cameras - a little trick I've picked up. Now listen carefully. The Dark Prince is making his move. The signs are all around us. Oz show him the scrapbook."

Oz's famous scrapbook - the one no one was allowed to see. Even I in my sleepy state I got excited at the thought of this.

"Have a good look and tell me if you recognise anyone?"

I looked at the page that Oz was shoving under my nose. "What's Barney got to do with it?"

The Taxi-driver lost his rag - "BARNEY?? BARNEY?? The world is in danger of damnation and you're showing him that purple bastard??"

"Oooopsy oooopsy - wrong page!"

Then he showed me the right page and - oh dear gentle patient readers - my heart sank.

It was full of blurry photographs, obviously taken by Oz with some cheap camera. Blurry they were but alas not too blurry that I couldn't make out what they were.

"That's that's Mr Murcock my school psychologist."

"Yes I thought so. He's an agent of the Dark Prince - and you, foolish boy, told him everything. Keep looking - anyone else."

I didn't recognise most of them but some leapt out at me - members of the council, local bigwigs, there was Vicky Dome with his oily smile, other people I didn't recognise - and always they were standing with a shadowy figure - a figure I couldn't make out.

"Hang on!" shouted the Taxi-driver and then he drove into the oncoming lane towards a small huddled creature on the kerb.

"What're you doing?"

"Dirty haraamzada[bastard]!" The car hit something and carried on. "See the signs are everywhere - the djinn's are crawling out of their gutters. Keep looking."

I looked again but it was difficult in the gloom of the taxi. But in a group photo there was something vaguely familiar about the shadowy figure, this time a window reflection showed his features.

"Oh no......"

"What? What?" They both went looney "What is it? Who do you recognise??" "WHO? WHO? WHO?"

"That's Mr Lees the supply teacher - the one who gave Kelly the injection...when she died...oh God! What's going on??....What's he doing here........" I felt sick and started to dry retch. I couldn't believe it. What the hell did Kelly & Mr Lees have to do with all this madness?

"Oh TUTTIIIII! I should've guessed. What was his full name? Think Colin - think!"

"Uhm....." I tried but I couldn't remember. Even his face looked blurred and out of focus when I tried to remember. And when I tried to remember what he called him self it became a distorted drone - like a tape being played slowly.

"Come Coly Coly - thinky thinky thinky." I concentrated and I was back in the classroom with him, standing next to him with his indistinct face and his distorted voice, I calmed myself down and lowered my gaze to his...

"Come on Colin Yaar!"

"Shut up!" ...and I lowered my gaze to his name badge. I couldn't focus on it - he kept moving around.

"Come Coly Coly!!"

There! "Ian. Ian B Lees"

"Hah hah. Harami[bastard] can't stop playing his tricks."

"Who? Who do you mean?"

"Calm down Colin - you did good. Listen up. One of the names for the Dark Prince is Iblis - and your Mr Ian B Lees is a variation on it. I told you he likes playing his games."

I shrank into the backseat - it wasn't an accident after all - Kelly was murdered. I felt an unbelievable sadness tear at my soul, a physical pain that tore at my chest and squeezed the breath out of me.

"He's losing it. Quick slap him."

Then Oz was shaking me and waking me - "Wakey wakey - not all bad news - listeny listeny!"

"The idiot's right! There could be some hope - your girlfriend may not be dead. She could be in a Satanic Trance."